The sweet aroma of desperation

“We are the middle children of history, raised by television to believe that someday we’ll be millionaires and movie stars and rock stars, but we won’t. And we’re just learning this fact. So don’t fuck with us.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Everybody wants to succeed, or rule the world (I’m really liking that sultry Lorde cover).
I get it. We aren’t saints working from pure altruism, we are just people trying to get by.
If you are good at what you do, you should try monetize it, why not do what you love and get paid for it?


My Princess Darth Vader clothing line arriving soon…

There is that fine line in closing a sale where you are trying to hawk something to someone that doesn’t want it, they know it and you know it. Its a world away from providing a service to someone that they actually want or need.
That feeling, it feels like revulsion, you might as well be trying to convince them they really do want to wear a dog turd on their head and pay for the privilege.
Think about that for a second, why is that?
There is something primal going on, a fear response.


Pictured: Fear Response

It has a similar feeling to;
Being told the koolaid is especially refreshing today.
Biting into a worm and finding half an apple.
Being promised candy but being shown the inside of a van.


I wish I had asked myself the question why Iron Man drove a van 😦

I’ll just let that hang there for a moment.
Little dark today right? Hear me out.

That same reaction is the one I have when I’m watching someones channel on youtube or reading their blog and BAM “Hire me, buy this, sign up for that, you saw this and I’m awesome right? Trust me, give me your money.”

Desperate, blatant cash grab, I’m giving you my attention, now you want my credit card pin and to know what time I leave my house unlocked too?


My door is always open for you dear reader 😉

“Welcome to 2014, it’s called advertising and branding.” Someone maybe named Bob might say.
I am familiar with this as I have watched every episode of Mad Men.
There is a difference, advertising is a seduction, most of the time when its done well you aren’t even aware its happening.
“Bob why are you team Apple or team Android, Xbox or Playstation, Sony, Samsung or LG?”
“Because it has the features I want and does what I want it to do, the specs are better.”
“Pretty flimsy Bob, one is much the same as the other, in some cases identical in operation, so its something else, why did you buy this one Bob?”
“Because I like this one better, I like the interface and the company makes good things, ok?”
“You still aren’t convincing me Bob, even if this product was identical to all the others why would you buy this brand?”
“Thanks Bob, you just demonstrated we make decisions for purchases based on emotions not logic, specifications or anything else, security remove Bob from the seminar, hes too emotional.”
When we make up our mind to buy we already have, everything else is just the story we tell ourselves to justify our purchase to ourselves or anyone else.


Try imagine my disappointment when I realized halfway through it wasn’t about Yugoslavia

Selling, advertising, marketing is all seduction, emotion and subtext.
Done indelicately is the equivalent of “Hi I’m Bob, my friends say I’m pretty cool, lets go to dinner, you pay and meet me in the toilets in 5 minutes.”
Average response being:
“Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, you’re a weirdo go die maybe?”
(call me Carly Rae, you have my number, I have an idea for a hit follow up song)

Although that crude fumbling approach might work on every hundredth person you will have a thousand restraining orders by then.
(Or a thousand less views, hits, tweets, reblogs, or whatever.)

Maybe I’m just being hard to please. But I can’t help but think “Oh look how cute, its trying to sell something! It thinks its people, nawwwww.”

No one wants to be blatantly sold to, but if you are going to try, do it well and you will have my support and loyalty.



Offer me something, interesting, helpful, entertaining or enriching without monitization to get me interested.
Let me know about stuff you like and why you like it.
Tell me about products, services or goods you use because they are of benefit to you.
Explain how something that you sell can be of a personalized benefit to me because you are passionate about it.
If people feel you are imparting your knowledge freely because you genuinely want to they will more likely be interested what else you have to say or offer.


OooOO Swears…..

While finding a quote from Tyler Durden for this article I realized almost any bit of dialogue from the movie FIGHT CLUB could apply. Its nihilism at its finest throughout but its magnificence is, that it holds up a mirror providing such ugly clarity to our base consumer desires.

Every time I post something here, its because I have taken the time to think about something, a memory, a belief, an opinion, an annoyance, an experience and drag it out of the primordial ooze within my psyche, arrange those letters into words, words into sentences, then scrap it and edit it, publish it then still keep finding things wrong with it until, its either as good as it can be or I have lost interest.
I would love to earn a living as travel writer, or a full time Music Producer, or Photographer or any of the myriad of skills and talents I have developed over time.
But as with all of these things, right here right now, this is practice, practice, practice.

Feel free to hire me to bark motivational quotes from Fight Club at your employees, friends or family.
You can also buy my blog in easy to read toilet roll format. Don’t forget to check out my complete range of bath knives.
Also to help me out please install these toolbars and viruses on your computer.



This *will* happen to your computer unless you install my toolbar

Also a bunch of pictures I didn’t create used in this post, if they are yours let me know and I’ll draw something for you, maybe a goat, I’m not sure yet.

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